I miss my dad's mustache. I miss how my mum would complain to my dad how annoying or rude I am to her on that day. I miss my family dinner time. I miss how my dad lied on the sofa and fart after dinner. I miss how my dad will tell my mum how his day at work. I miss how my mum got annoyed and frustrated when my dad is going out to drink again. I miss how my dad will come home drunk and yet he will still come in my room to check if I'm still awake. I miss how I always pinched my dad's nipple when he's lying asleep on the sofa. I miss everything that I never thought would happened.

A Year

Eve, frankly saying I don't wish the day to come. Its been a year, a year that you've been away from home. Some commented the time had passed so fast that it seems to feel like everything had happened in just a few months back. None of us in the house feels good about your absence. Still remembered how I disliked you to come home in the middle of the night drunk, wishing that you could never come back so that the house could have a peaceful night. But after you left, I tend to stay awake in the middle of the night hoping that you would come home, comes in to my room and kiss me good night on my forehead and tuck me to bed. I used to have a big tree that would shelter me no matter what had happened. I get whatever I asked for I was never bullied by anyone, not even being wronged by any other one before. Yes, thou you used to beat me up, I hated you a lot of being a drunkard, but how much you've doted and cared for me, I know it better than anyone else. Whenever we go for dinner together these few years after I've turned into a teen, half of the whole table dishes that night would be my favorite. When I wanted a bag for school, just a phone call to you and there the bag I wanted is mine.
When you're not around, I had lost the only one that would asked me what happens whenever he senses that I'm unhappy. I had no one to make sure that I would never be bullied by anyone anymore. I'm alone, couldn't throw anymore tantrums to anyone else. Still remembered there was a period after you left, I cried every meals I had at S-11 because I'm too used to see you there whenever there, but realized you will never be there anymore. When nights falls, the house would be filled w weeping because mummy couldn't get over w the fact that you're no longer w us.
Tears flowing down as I typed, expressing myself ain't getting any way better ... I still couldn't accept that fact that you had left I hate the fact that everyone expects me to accept this fact I just don't want to accept it.

I just want you back, if ever one day God would to asked what I wished I could have, at least be back for now, not so soon. Cause I always expected you to be there for me when I gets married. In just less than 10 years time, why couldn't you stay? Why did you left with a tear flowing down your cheek when you heard I'm calling you?

Forever Goodbye

Sound of the machine, the room is so bright & I saw you lying down there with pipes all around you.

Doctors just talked to us regarding your condition. They said you're living with a pipe down to your lungs to help you breathe. I blackout, a period of silence in the room till uncle shouted "... Ah Hua ki liao!". Till now my mind would still reminiscing the whole scene at that point of time.

You are a stubborn man. You care & spend time with your friends outside more than you stay home. For times when you're drunk, I really hated you & wondered why my father is a drunkard. Why can't you be more responsible as a husband, a father.

But in my entire eighteen years, I've always been the apple in your eyes. During Primary to Secondary 2, I've either you or mummy to drive me back & fro to school. You'll be standing outside my school building waiting for me to end my CCA. Whenever I won some competition during Sports Heats, you'll be so glad and tells me "You're always my Number. 1!"

You always told me that you'll always be there for me no matter what happens. You had been my supporting tree thou for these few years I've started to stay out. Daddy I'm only eighteen, I still cried every now and then when things flashback in my mind. I still couldn't accept it, even till today.

Forever Goodbye

I used to think how irresponsible you are. I used cried and asked God why are you my father. I used to hate you for coming home, drunk, started to quarrel with mummy, disturb us when all of us are asleep, or even starting a fight with mummy after quarrel when ended up beating me up caused I tried to stop both of you. I would ask myself why you can’t be like others, why can’t you be a good father that I always wished you would be? You’ll bring us to garden for picnics, to town for shopping, go have a dinner at restaurants and after that family strolls along the road or something during weekends & school holidays.

How much I loathed you, how much I wished you would change, how much I wanted to you to be there for me for my future, everything I used to imagine, all longer exist.

I cried to sleep, almost every night. I never felt so lost before, I never thought it would be so soon, so sudden, unprepared. I mourned I tear so badly yet I know nobody will ever walked into my room again pulling off my blanket questioning me what’s wrong.

From young, I was never bullied by anyone. Anyone do which made me upset in school, the very next day, I would see you in my school questioning those kids & teachers. When I started to have a boyfriend, you would tell him off and threatens him not to bully me else he will be in trouble. I used to get fetch to and fro to school by you or mummy, but usually it was you. You would stand next to the car outside my school gate waiting for me to be out (which I dreaded very much when my parents do that at that point of time, but now come to think of it, it’s a form of showing their concern and love).

You always told me you will be there for me. You told me that you will always be there standing with me no matter what happens. I always look up to you like a big shelter tree to me thou you’ve been a worse father. You sheltered me when I got beaten by mummy when I was young. You spoil me trying to satisfy everything I asked for. When we get to eat outside, I’m the one who call the shot. I knew I’m the apple in your eyes hence I’m the only one who always throws my tantrums around in the house.

Today, is your birthday. This year, this very day, I actually planned long time ago this year, that I would cook a bowl of mee sua for you for the very first time in these eighteen years you’ve bought me up. I’d imagine how happy you would be eating the noodles.

Everything now, everything that I thought, everything that I wished, all became nothing, no more, no longer able to.

Happy Birthday, Daddy. Rest in Peace.

Lala

Today I did some things.
Which basically added up to one day.
I woke up damn late in the afternoon, weekends are my only days that I can have long peaceful sleep ~
While watching television, my mum nag & complained that today I should go visit my grandma who's at AMK hospital. No choice, got to go, w my dad.

Talked to my daddy about stuff, especially my class chalet, but he doesn't seems to want me to go ): Fuck luh, but at least, he said something that made me happy :) Because, the sentence he said meant a lot - he accepted it.

Didn't get to visit my grandma, because visiting hours is at 5. But because I went to the hospital, I saw Douglas ! Well, chatted w him awhile before he helped us to pass the food to my grandma (daddy didn't want to wait till 5 because my aunt & uncle came - they're playing mahjong).

Backed home w him, & out w my sisters, head to town to meet blogshop owner & went to find silly who's working at Paragon today.
Oh man, why weekends always pass so fast ?
But I'm excited because my holidays are cominggggggggggggg ~ Weeeeeeee ! One more weekkkkkkkkkkkkk.

P.S. I'm gonna chop off my fringe soon because it's way to ugly nowwwwww.

Jump

I just love this picture.


Saturday
supposed to meet my crazy classmates to study at Clake Quay, but ended up I woke up late & I've to go down to SGH to visit my dad -.- never go in the end - thus, I've not study for sets __
Meet silly first before going to hospital, thanks his sister's boyfriend for the ride :D Seriously, my dad don't appreciate the trouble & time we need to sacrifice just to go visit him to see how he's going on whether he's fine or not. Really &(@%^!!&(@ mansxsxz. He still chase me off after that -.- After visiting, to Red Bull Motorcycle event held at Singapore Flyer - F1 track. Really cool man ! I want to learn how to ride bike luhhh ~ *Hints hints*Saw Mr. Phua there w his "wife". I want his "wife" luh, damn chio & power ! Can snap pictures so so well & clear ! Mr. Phua, I want those photos of flying man in the air ~
After the event, Suntec to search for slippers - cause' silly spoilt it ! Then dinner w silly's family before going home ^^

Sunday
Hospital again to visit my dad w silly. Then visit grandma who also just admitted into the hospital -.- After all the visiting & everything, head to silly's house.
& he had a big surprise for me, ohmygod, I were shocked & so so so elated when I saw the present he gave me for my birthday :D
He got me Ferragamo Fasicnating !When I saw it, I lost my words, really. It's so expensive :s
Thank you, silly. Really thank you so so so so so so much !
He sent me home, to my house for awhile as he wait for his dad to come (:

I just don't know how to describe my feelings for you
Thank you so much silly idiot kuku neinei
You're a gift from god
I love you

Updateddddd

Here to blog about the wedding.

Argghhhhhhhhh, I wanna my wedding to be so high class toooooooooooo !

& I seriously loveeeeeeeee her Gowns !

Ohmygod, really v v beautiful ^^

Atmosphere was great, food was great. Saw many mediacorp artists, but I only took picture w Mo Xiaoling & Ling Xiang Ping - they're so so grogeous !

& I teared when there's a part where the new wed start to thanks their parents & family etc.

They're just so loving ^^

Okays, pictures now.

I v lazy to upload all the photos, here're some of them :)

Enjoyyyyyyyy.

See the atmosphere, so high class right ?!

See her gown !

Still have a lot more, but I'm v v lazy to load them up.

I want this RED Car !

& I realised my dad actually was short -.-

): Moodlessssssssss

Me & my shortie papa.

School have been really long for me these past 2 days ): Cause' my two crazy girls fall sick }: Thus, nothing to blog about.

But just oovoooooooooooooo w them: Jane Maypheng Gregory Sean Shijie

Taiping don't want to oovoo ]:

They're not going to school tomorrow except maybe shijie.

Touch Rubgy tomorrowwwwwwww, but still deciding whether I should go or not.

I don't have any sports wear, or shoessssss.

Hais