I don't know how to reply whenever py winnie and lesbie asked how's things going on between me and Aaron. When we try to move ahead, we end up taking a step back. Obviously I am happy when I am with him that's why I chose to get into a relationship but that doesn't explain why I'm willing to help him out at his coffeshop foc. Or the truth is I like him more than I myself even realized but that's so impossible! But maybe not that love is hard but its commitment that complicates everything I guess.
My relatives and the old ones who cared about me been telling me that never ever let past relationships to ruin your future happiness. Scars remind us of where we've been, not where we are going.
I admitted I felt so painful when I learn to know that Gabriel is in a relationship with another girl. That pain that I experienced at that point of time is hell, even when I had just started my relationship with Aaron. The guy that I used to place him as my priority, having the thoughts of getting married to, now got another girl and he is gonna love and treat her like how he used to love and care for me. Heartbroken. Of course I should be happy that he had moved on and found another one, but you can't deny that you'll still feel like shit that your once you-thought-they're-the-one for you no longer exist anymore. It hurts to throw away your story with someone, all the good memories and the dreams and plans you two had for the future when you looked back and yet you have to tell yourself to kill the hope that you can't never have him back.
I have friends that believes if two are meant to be together, eventually they'll find their way back to each other. But how many true stories actually exist? What's yours will be yours eventually, really? I always think that's all bullshit to blind all those naive ones.
Guess I'm pretty open up recently because I don't think there are anyone who's following my blog now and well, being able to open up expressing myself and jot down my own feelings is the main reason why I started to love blogging.
Maybe one day Aaron will chanced upon this blog post and read about how I felt and that explained the sobbing drunk night after clubbing. Truth is that we are not robots, you can never forget someone you used to love so much, else in the first place that doesn't even considered as love. I learn to be strong, found the strength to face the pain, the memories I can never rub away, killing the 1% of thought that we might be back together, get over it and move on. I am really happier now, as in happy even if I'm alone, w/o Aaron by my side. Guess I'm back being an independent girl who is happy and surviving well even if she's single. That's the Catherine everyone knows, am I right? ;) I must say I am very blessed with many angels around me during this period and I always felt so happy and blessed every night before I sleep nowadays knowing that I am not alone even I would have to go thru those stressful darkness again.
Oh and anyway an interesting fact that I've found when I visited the library today because I were so moody about Aaron and his ex girlfriend: People are usually unaware of their subconscious criteria and that's why
they usually describe love as a mysterious thing that follows no rules
but the truth is that when they become aware of their subconscious
criteria they will be able to know why they fall in love with certain
people and not others.
