I have never addressed my relationship with Aaron, or rather I didn't really dare to.
We don't have an official date to start with but after holding a discussion some time back we decided the 8th of July (which I doubt he will remember). Briskly and hasty are the words to describe the start of our relationship. Both of us know that we are not fully ready to step into a new relationship yet I believed both of us had the same "why not give it a shot? Nothing to lose anyway" attitude. And, us, turned out to be a Pandora's box to me. Deep in my heart I totally agree to the same saying "Never settle for anything less," but when comes to reality I played otherwise. I enjoyed and feel comfortable when I'm around him, I like how we could have endless topics to talk to whenever we are together, how much laughter I can have in a day with him and how his presence could make my troubles disappeared. Honestly speaking, we have a casual love. I really think that he didn't done much to make me feel special or loved, he doesn't project himself to me that fits in to my "dream guy" category and he is a really bad boyfriend in my opinion... Contradicting much, Aaron is the guy that seems to have nothing good to even talk about yet I find myself so blinded that no reasons is good enough to convince myself to let it go. I'd tried to let it go but failed. I even willing to comprehend and suck it up big time without expecting any explanations because I didn't want to be appeared as a clingy girlfriend. Truly quite amazed with my own tolerance level in this relationship. Presuming the fact that I am nothing to Aaron to begin with and he would lose nothing even if we ended so I have been reminding myself every day that I cannot expect anything from him at all. A very tiring routine, taking in that - I have no rights to get upset or disappointed over his actions and decisions, and when I do I know it might be assumed as silly tantrums or attitude. I know that he is not the right one for me, but at least he tried from my view. He did tried to be nice or better, and I began to open up my thoughts about him more candidly to him.
He might not be the first in my list to turn to when I'm troubled (he's damn bad at comforting others), he might not be the sweetest; most caring and romantic etc (the list goes on), I'm pleased for now. Unaware of time, today marked the 9th which leads me to consider - maybe I should take a leap of faith believing that we would last, building a stronger trust between us and fancy the wish of us filling with bliss. Maybe, I shall behold love once again.
"Love is loving an imperfect perfectly."
